Our Matthew, who art in the sea, Feared be thy Name.

Thy strike be strong, Thy destruction come, On land as it is in the sea.

Give us this year our major catastrophe, And help us get our donations, As we set up fundraising schemes.

And lead us not into false hopes, But deliver strong winds unto Haiti.

For thine is the destruction, and the deaths, and the sweet sweet money, until the next natural disaster.

Make it rain.