About five years ago, while still in the throes of the most devastating earthquake of an history littered with tragic natural and man-made disasters, Haiti had a buffoon become its President. Today, an ongoing electoral and political crisis, a debilitating inflation, an abyssal social and economic record, and 2 billion dollars in debt later, we are soldiering on, keeping on keeping on. Things aren’t so bad, really. There is a saying here that as long your head isn’t cut off, you may dream of wearing a hat. Which brings me to you.
I know it might sound crazy and reasonably defeatist but Donald J. Trump will be your next President, whether you want him or not. It doesn’t matter what you think. It won’t matter that he is a vulgarian boasting about his successes and riches even though his many bankruptcies are public knowledge. It won’t matter that he has a history of public indecency, fraught with nudity and misogynistic remarks. It won’t matter that he is an entertainer with a tact for finding and encouraging the lowest common denominator. None of this will matter. Coming November 9th, Donald J. Trump will be confirmed as your next President.
The new vulgarian-in chief-will have beaten your better qualified female presidential candidate because a female president lol. He will spend his mandate generally insulting every member of society who is not part of his base and you will be powerless to stop it. Meanwhile, you will watch, from the sidelines, your country go down the drain. You will lament its decline, the looting, the pillage… and be accused of being unpatriotic and not wanting to let America be great.
Under the new vulgarian rule, people will yell at you about how your gloom and doom outlook is what is wrong with the country. They’ll tell you about how their America is different. They’ll tell you about how defeatists like you are a dime a dozen. They’ll tell you to shut the hell up and let America be great.
It will be hard, America. It will be hard, but you’ll survive. You’ve seen worst. You’ve a great past you can always go back to, to soothe your worries and keep intact the pride of your forefathers. It won’t be easy but human resilience knows no bounds. It is truly amazing how much you can go through and still have the courage to hope for tomorrow. Because you pretty much have to.
Except you won’t. Trump as the President of the United States of America doesn’t work. Even as an April fool’s joke. Mainly because you don’t have your own United States of America like we do. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton won’t come to Donald Trump’s rescue and force a change in election results so he can become your next president. After all, he’s running against her. It wouldn’t do.
So, hakuna your tatas, America. You’ll be fine.